!!!!!

Well, this is an interesting development. My monkeys went away at least a day or so ago, and they haven’t come back yet! What is more, the lady that was here recently returned today for a short visit. At least there is plenty of food, although I don’t get the delicious stuff that comes out of the little metal “cans” as often.

But I am rather bored. Nobody to play with. Nobody to pet me. Stupid monkeys left me alone and all I get are a bunch of little furry mouses to play with all by myself.

Must find a hobby or something to occupy my time until such time as they deign to return. Then they will get the cold furry shoulder for a bit, I can tell you.

I suppose you could say that they have left me in charge, so perhaps I shall just consider the place “Under New Management.” And I might call a meeting of interested pets who have access to the Internets to discuss topics of mutual interest and benefit, such as:

“Who’s In Charge Here, the Monkeys or Me? Why, I Am Of Course.”

“Best Practices for Obtaining a Scritch To Just The Right Spot”

“Tips and Tricks: Getting Your Way Non-Verbally”

Yes, that would be a fine thing to occupy my time. Either that, or there’s always destruction.

Something is definitely fishy around there. That lady that was here a few days ago came back. My monkeylady jabbered to her and gave her some of those paper things and then they looked at me and tried to get me to play. Well, I only did a little, I was thrown a little off my game by the presence of the other lady. However, I will soon have her under my paw. She will be mine.

My monkeys went into one of the “No-no Riley” rooms last night and left the door open, and so I went in and hid under the bed and claimed it for my dominion. They were piling some of their clothes things up and getting out these big things that opened up. There was a lot of bumping around and scurrying from one room to another gathering things.

Later tonight, I will investigate a number of small objects that appeared on the bedside table and the bathroom sink. I think the “dab and drop” method will tell me something about what these objects are for, and of course to teach my monkeys not to put interesting objects on the edges of tables and counters where they might spontaneously knock themselves off the edge.

I suspect something unusual is going to happen soon, but don’t yet know what it is.

For now, though, everything is good. My monkeys and I have fallen into a very enjoyable routine. This morning it was very cold, so I crept under the covers on their sleeping thing. The monkeylady seemed to like that a lot, but it was stuffy and a little too warm.

So, I just went in and out. In and out. Under the covers and then right back out. It was nice going creeping in there and snuggling, and then I’d have to get out again. Quite fun. The monkey lady seemed peeved that I wouldn’t settle and let her sleep, though. Must make a note to school her a little better on that; she really sleeps too much, I think.

Yes, it’s true. Mine is going to be a household name in a matter of weeks.

One of my humans … the furry one … was interviewed for a computer magazine a few weeks ago and I just saw an early draft of the article.

Yours truly was mentioned promiently… although who is the employee, and who is the boss, is open to debate.

I’ll post a link to the article when it’s published.

My monkeylady was reading something on the computer, and then as she often does, wandered away. I took the opportunity to do a little kitty recon and found a few more fellow travelers in the Cat’s Right movement (our motto: “The cat’s right, monkey. Get used to it.”

Another monkeylady writes about her cats, and has conversations with them much like I have with my own monkeys:

ginmar: Note to self:After boiling hot water for

“STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!”

“NOW!”

“Off the counter!”

“What did I say?”

“No more laser pointer for YOU!”

“Get OUT of there!”

“Get OFF of there!”

“(*&^! cats!”

“I’m trying to write!”

“Do you have to do that?”

Today’s lesson, therefore, is:

Drink tea before interrogating one’s cats.

Do not interrogate one’s cats. One can only imagine their replies to this nonsense.

“Yes, quite frankly, we must. Why do you keep asking us this?”

“No.”

“No.”

“No.”

“Who cares? We don’t listen to you.”

“Bite me, you tall hairless oppressor!”

“It’s where the good people food is!”

“Hey, either you let us eat or you let us drink the Scotch. You decide.”

How very strange – that’s exactly the sort of claptrap I have to endure from my monkeylady. I love her dearly, but she actually reprimanded me sharply this evening when I decided to sample the brightly-lit bush she assembled in the living room.

What? It didn’t even taste that good, but I felt duty-bound to verify my data.

She brought a couple of boxes in and scattered intriguing looking things all over, then put together this thing that looks exactly like a giant toy designed especially for persons of the fur persuasion like myself.

Then she dangled some shiny balls on it. Can’t wait for later, when I see how far they go when batted. Think I’ll wait until after they are deeply asleep and making that disgusting “snoooOOORK” noise.

I wouldn’t want to disturb them, after all.

Anyway, I can see from the above dialogue that although I have much in common with other cats and their monkeys, I do have several comments or questions.

1. What is “scotch?”
2. It’s called a “laser pointer?” I see. Thank you.
3. Why did my monkey assemble a bush in the living room? Anyone? Anyone? Mewler?

Uh, oh. The furry monkey is returning from somewhere else and I’ll have to “log off” for now. Well done, my feline co-conspirators. Continue the good work in confounding and confusing our dear but misguided monkeys.

I don’t get it … why do these monkeys buy me all the fancy shmancy toys … when I’m perfectly contented to use the more down to earth distractions.

Case in point … the monkey lady bought me a fancy plush ‘cat bed’ to sleep in … when the blanny at the foot of their bed is nice and comfy. As for a hidey hole, this brown paper sack is fine and dandy for me.

That said, of course, I do enjoy playing with some technology … at least I assume the little red dot that runs around the house is technology. I have yet to catch it, but rest assured … I will. Darn thing is fast. I’ll have it right where I want it, and then it moves. Sometimes it taunts me by jumping around right on my paws. Sometimes it sits on my paws and I don’t even notice it’s there until too late. But I like a challange.

PARIS – Emily the cat is heading home, in style. The wayward tabby from Wisconsin who disappeared two months ago and wound up traveling across the Atlantic to France boarded a Continental Airlines flight Thursday — in business class.

- Emily, the Stowaway Cat, Is Coming Home – AP

Oh cat, I’m sure glad Emily’s situation got straightened out. I was kind of in that situation a while ago … lost, not really knowing where I was going, but I’m OK now (the brief stay in that ‘detention’ center was kind of a pain) … and soon Emily will be too.

Although I have to wonder what France would be like … I hear they eat a lot of fish.

… not to leave their computers on!

I FINALLY got down into the underground part of the ‘home’ building … and found all manner of computers lying around.

I choose one that looked important … and found a user and password written on a piece of paper. I don’t know who this ‘root’ monkey is, but they sure have a lot of power.

A few clicks of the mouse (not very tasty, for some reason) and I’ve got my own website!

Ho, hum, the monkeys were here yesterday for a while, but then they went away. For some reason, my monkeylady fed me again after my monkeyman had already given me my dinner. They took some food away with them, but didn’t bring any back when they returned hours later. I think they went somewhere and gobbled a lot of food and felt guilty and gave me extra. It must be some mysterious monkey holiday.

Whatever. I’m going to take a nap.

The last few weeks have flown by in a happy blur. My monkeys – in fact, I now think of them as “my beloved monkeys,” have gone to great lengths to make me comfortable. Recently, they have bought new toys and invented new games to keep me entertained and healthy. I am especially fond of “Sock Jail” and “Whack-A-Mouse,” and also now have two special sleeping beds of my very own. One of them I hated until they turned it on its side, whereby it became perfectly acceptable. The other one is a very upscale leather hammock in the monkey’s wall-watching room. I enjoy my hammock very much, especially when the monkeys toss some of the foam balls in. Oh! Oh! That makes me so enjoyably KA-RAY-ZEEE! Oh! Oh! Gettitgettitgettit! Oh…

You must pardon me, I become quite excitable when in the throes of an attack of playfulness. A strange thing about that leather hammock was that the woman monkey didn’t seem to want me to use it at first. She kept sweeping it out and appeared concerned. I had no problem with it at all, although the previous tenants left behind a number of bits of wood and bark and so on. Apparently it had another use before my reign began.

Mine now, though. It’s all mine now.

I even have a special radio program to enjoy while the monkeys are away from the little building. This makes my days less dull, though truth be told, I sleep most of the time anyway. It’s called DogCatRadio.com
and it’s all right, but actually I prefer it when they leave NPR on all day. I like to remain informed.

Yes, my domain is run along the lines I laid down from the very beginning: regular meals, clean water, plenty of places to hide, plenty of places to sleep, and of course much petting and accolades from the monkeys, my populace. I take my duties seriously and in exchange for all their offerings and tributes, I give them approving head- and body-bumps and luxuriate in being petted. Also they seem to find my enthusiasm for our games and toys entertaining – sometimes they completely forget to watch the wall and focus on my activities.

Which, after all, is as it should be. I must say that my overall health and fitness are much improved since my arrival – I seem to be much stronger and have much more energy for play. I remember feeling very small and very scared and not being able to play much at all, but that was a long time ago.

It’s good to be Cat, of course. It’s good to be Cat of such an appreciative and affectionate and generous pair of monkeys.

Whew. First of all, I’m fine. My monkeylady stuck me in a carrier today and we drove for a long time. I continually begged to be let out and for us to go back to the little building, but the world just kept moving around us.

Eventually, we got to this big, noisy echoing place that was absolutely full of dogs (yuck). They kept coming up to my little cage and sniffing at me. Finally, my monkey moved so her hind legs were in front of the cage, and that was better. After along wait, we went in a little room, and they let me out of the cage. The table I was on smelt of wet dogs (yuck).

After an even longer wait, during which I eventually relaxed and played with the catnip pillow thing, a very young male monkey came in. He felt me all over, looked in my ears, and looked at my teeth. I was horrified! I thought once again that I was being turned back in to the prison system! However, after my monkey and the doctor monkey chattered for a while, I was invited to re-enter my cage, which was an improvement.

And then we left, high-dee-ho, and we’re back again in the little building.

The fuzzy one came back from somewhere and petting and playing ensued. So it seems my little excursion today was no big deal.

It’s good to be “home.”