Life of Riley

Since it seems to be all the rage, I figure it’s time for me to make the plunge…

I’m very pleased to announce the formation of a Presidential Exploratory Committee for the 2008 campaign season. I’ve asked my monkeys, Ginny and David, to co-chair the committee.

Although I have yet to confirm her interest, I will probably be asking Polly Levinthal-Soskin to be my running(dog)-mate.

I promise to establish bipetisan coalitions, eliminate the taxes on pet toys, and ensure there is a can of Iams in every bowl. I will also work hard to enact the “Sunny Spot on the Rug” act, to ensure there is always a comfy place to take a nap.

And, for the record, I’d like to make it clear that while I did try the catnip … I did not inhale.
[tags]president, campaign, 2008[/tags]

As a committed gentlecat of leisure, my activities of late have not included updating my Internets news page, because really, what more can one say about the comforts of my life. It literally has been quite the life of Riley for me, but of course is well deserved.

About the only major change has been that I now sometimes sleep at the head of the monkeys’ bed, instead of at the foot. This is convenient for sleeptime petting, and also I don’t find it necessary to vacate the premises due to some monkeys’ restless feet late at night.

They took more photographs of me today; I am steeling myself for the ignominy of my image being put up on the Internets where other monkeys will apparently hoot softly, but I am persuaded that at least I was looking my best, as always.

Something very odd happened a few weeks ago; my monkeylady went away one morning and didn’t come back at the end of the day! Or for several days! But my monkeyman stayed home and we had much fun with the little red dot and of course, my beloved String!! Attack!!1! game. 

But then, oh happiness, the monkeyman came home at the end of the day with my monkeylady, who held me and held me and that was the best day I’d had all weekend. She smelled of someplace far away… and also I suspect she was petting! Other! Cats! while she was away, but obviously I am the favorite and best. Naturally. She also smelled a little bit like she had been around some other monkeylady… I think a much older one. She smelled nice. My monkeylady obviously had been held by this older one,
because the scent was in her arms and chest. It was nice, like being held and petted by more than one monkey at once. Such attention is my due, of course, but it is nice.

She hooted and cackled away at my monkeyman, no doubt telling him in their incomprehensibly vocal way about her activities, and seemed to be very happy to be home. She held me in that curled-up way that I like the best, and now at night she’s in the habit of curling me up and carrying me upstairs for sleeping time.

I like this development. I shall even put up with that funny shmip-shmip sound she makes all over my face and ears, because obviously it’s her way of showing affection. She headbumps and grooms me after a fashion (so does the monkeyman), and so we do manage to communicate the important things: Food, Attention… and Love, I think. Definitely Love. 

Schedule for weekdays:

Schedule for weekends:

As you can see, I have quite a busy schedule. Maybe I need an assistant?

So many long days. Bored, bored, bored, and lonely. I called and called, but got no answer. Sometimes the visiting monkey came and fed me and played with me, and most importantly, petted me. Only then did I feel better. But then she would go away and I would be lonely and bored again. Very dull existence.

Once or twice, the tall male monkey came by again - he did something in the secret downstairs (that’s another “no-no Riley” room, apparently. I’m not allowed) and went away soon after.

Finally, finally, early yesterday morning, I heard sounds of one of those noisy monkeyboxes outside, and voices. A lot of bumping and endless delay. Then the door opened out to the monkeybox place and there he was! My monkeyman! My very own!

I could hardly breathe. I stood at the top of the steps as he approached. Was it really true?

And there was… my monkeylady. She approached, and I ran away to show that I was an independent gentlecat. Eventually, I allowed her to reach me and hold me, and hold me, and hold me.

It was that Heaven place, again, only better because I already knew these were my own monkeys.

They certainly seemed happy to see me, too.

They brought in several big bulky things that smelled funny, of far off places and… fish maybe? And feet. They smelled of those big feet things they wear.

The rest of the morning, I was petted and held and cooed over in that odd Catlike dialect the monkeylady speaks to me. Hours passed, and I certainly think I deserved a lot of attention after so long a time alone. The monkeylady seemed fatigued, however, so pretty soon we went upstairs for a nap. Plenty more cuddling and petting ensued.

My monkeylady must have been really tired, as she didn’t get up again until almost dinnertime. More playtime, then food, then petting; it was very much the perfect evening.

Then I helped the monkeylady make up the sleeping place for us all. She opened windows and let the cold night air come in, which smelled crisp and good. Some of that white snow stuff fell and the monkeys evidently thought that was funny, but it sure smells good at night. The bedroom smelled good because the monkey lady got the stale air out and the clean fresh air in. Also she lit tiny little fires around that also smelled good, but in a way that made my whiskers quiver like they do when I’m about to sneeze.

Then we all went to bed. They sure fell asleep fast! I curled up on my special blanket and made sure their feet were warm, and fell asleep soon after.

Morning came early - the monkeys woke up a lot earlier than normal - the talking box that wakes them up didn’t start talking for a long time. More petting. I laid my head on the monkeylady’s pillow and just purred at her. She seemed to like that a lot.

After a while (petting was continuous unless they were in the room where they wash in water, they don’t like themselves clean like I do) they both went away, but didn’t take the big bulky things like them when they left for such a long time.

So that was all right.

They both came back at the end of the day, which was a huge relief. The petting continued (I’ll never have my fill of that. and I keep telling them how happy I am they came back).

Then later on, the monkeyman noticed that I was investigating one of the bulky things, and the monkeylady came over, opened it up, and I got inside. It’s quite comfortable, actually, but smells of that fishy smell. Then she pulled me around the room - apparently, the bulky thing has wheels - before flipping the lid on it closed. I hid in there for a few seconds, but couldn’t take the smell for long, so I stuck my head out.

For some reason, the monkeys were having those convulsion things again.

Anyway, I claimed the bulky thing for my domain, but merely as a matter of record. Also, I made it clear that they are not to fill it up and go away for a long time again, at least not for a good long while.

I love them, but I do have to maintain some standards around here.

The article about my monkeyman was published … you can find it online here or view it as a PDF here.

Someone in that news organization’s web design staff needs to pay more attention though … they used the wrong picture. Clearly they should have used this one:

“Ow! Ow! YEEEOW! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYOWTCH!!”

Yes, I did indeed vocalise in this very vulgar manner tonight. I was quite overcome with pain. My furry human was busying himself with doing something about the monkey chow they eat at night, and I was in my usual position right at his feet. Well, I was only offering to take care of any little fishy tidbits that happened to find their way to the floor.

And then he stepped back and put his big monkey foot down HARD, RIGHT on my little paw, and it HURT. I screamed loudly and ran away.

My monkeywoman came quick! She ran right up from the other room and they both approached me as I stumbled away in some pain and confusion. It was like reliving a nightmare, but then they both stopped and spoke softly and gently to me and to each other.

I shook off my pain-befuddlement and moved as quick as I could up the stairs to the sleeping room, in some embarassment for being caught out. I had shown fear, and I felt very small and vulnerable again. They followed, carefully.

Oh no! For a moment I was afraid of even my beloved monkeys! I shuddered with fear, but it lessened as I realized that already my paw hurt less and less. Not a serious injury, then. Of course, I should have realized that when I was able to run up the stairs, but still.

I jumped, rather gingerly, up on to the bed to my secure place, a blanket placed for my personal use at the foot of the bed. My monkeys came close, reassuring me that they meant me no harm. My lady petted me softly and felt my legs and paws gently. She seemed relieved, and then she petted my furry one, and he seemed even more relieved and petted me over and over again. It was clear that abject apologies were being offered, and so I accepted with a tentative “bump” to his paw. And then all was loving and good and I was not scared any more. I love my humans, but they certainly are clumsy.

I recovered my sang-froid, and later was able to play a couple of good games of Stringfish! and Get That Red Dot!!1! with my furry man. Friends again. However, I shall be much more cautious about those big feet-things they have. I’m fine now, although you may kiss the paw if you wish.

I don’t think I like feet much at all. My monkey lady has big purple fake feet on her back paws right now and they make a scary SHH! - SHH! noise. I did not think it was amusing when she approached just now to play a game of I’m Coming To Get You!

If I could talk Gibberish (the language that they speak) I would tell her “Lose the purple feet, please.”

Perhaps I shall have to take drastic steps to render them…unwearable. More on that later.

I’d like to take a moment to introduce my monkeys … I’ve grown quite attached to them since they gave me this nice cave to live in.

The male monkey has all the computers … and spends more than a little time in the downstairs cave. He’s kind of furry too … but not as much as me. He usually gives me my breakfast and dinner, since he ususally wakes up and comes home earlier than the female one. Sometimes I like to sit on the couch with him and watch the lighted picture box. That Stargate program is pretty intresting, although I’m disappointed they don’t have any cats in lead roles. The Gaould look like they might be fun toys. From my wanderings around this computer, I think his blog is Geeky Ramblings.

The female monkey has red hair … and tends to sleep later than the male one, although she does come home a lot later too. She also stays up later in the evening. She talks to me a lot more … although I haven’t figured out what dialect of cat she is speaking. I suspect she’s just learning to speak cat and hasn’t mastered most of the basic language constructs. At least she’s trying. Her blog appears to be BlogulaRasa.